To whoever or whatever the name of the force/forces(for they are too strong for me) maybe that brings about the stretch I am utterly grateful. For you bring out the true me and you bring out the "who" i decide to be.
If you are wondering what i have learned from all of this St Paul again can explain(isn't it wonderful to find out that saints do experience what we are going through?)
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!and Amen! i say to that! Thank you Lord for you are my hope. On you i shall i put my trust. My rock and my salvation. My Jesus Christ, my God and my Lord. Rule my life. - You know in the end all i want, all i really want is just to please you.